She Moved Back to Portland
by Diabolical Bowler Hat
Summary: She moved back to Portland, but S.H.I.E.L.D agents never tell you the whole story.


**-Pepper Potts-**

"She moved back to Portland."

It was a half-truth, he would admit, but it was all he could bring himself to say after Pepper's innocent and well-meant question. After all, how could he tell her the truth, when he didn't even want to admit it to himself? So, with his calm S.H.I.E.L.D agent exterior he carried on fielding Pepper's questions down to his car and all the way to La Guardia.

Yes, it was a shame she'd moved back to Portland…

No, he wasn't sure when he'd be able to visit her next…

No, he wasn't sure whether a long-distance relationship was the right choice for them...

Yes, he wished he could see her more…

No, he didn't want the relationship to end…

Yes, they had discussed the future…

No, he wasn't sure whether that future was possible anymore…

He didn't mention that he had no choice. That what had been the best, the most-stable, relationship he'd ever been in was over. That she was in Portland now and he was jetting all over the globe wrangling super heroes and floating 35,000 feet above the ground on a giant air craft carrier, whose very existence was fervently denied.

It was better this way. His friendship with Pepper was a new one, formed by a shared experience with Obadiah Stane and a shared understanding of what managing Tony Stark truly meant. It was not a friendship that he would strain or burden with news he felt he couldn't share.

He had told Clint. How could he not? Clint was practically his brother, but now Coulson was faced with the very real possibility of losing him too. Once more all Phil could do was keep moving forward and keep hoping that Clint could be saved. It would be difficult, Phil knew, but damn if he wasn't going to be there every step of the way.

Natasha, another of Phil's unlikely family, was another story. She understood, but only intellectually, what Phil was now feeling. Phil both hoped that she would one day understand what love truly meant (if for no-one but Clint's sake), but also hoped that she would never understand it and never feel the pain he now felt.

He sighed as he let Pepper out of the car at the airport and smiled at her suggestion that she would fly him out to Portland herself. It was a nice gesture, one he had expected from the endlessly kind woman that was Pepper Potts. All he could say was "I'll think about it" as he drove off, a tear forming in his eye.

**-Tony Stark-**

"So I'm just saying, pick a weekend and I'll fly you to Portland" Tony Stark said he as wandered off to discuss Loki's next play. Phil could only smile and nod at what was, admittedly, a kind gesture from the billionaire, but once more the feeling of sadness that he had buried deep within came rushing up to the surface. He should go to Portland. He needed to go to Portland, if for nothing else but closure.

It was in that moment he decided that after this latest catastrophe was over, he would take Mr Stark and Pepper's offer and fly to Portland. He was owed several personal days, not having taken a holiday since Clint abruptly dropped Natasha in their laps several years before and he would spend that time in Portland with Jenny.

**-Nick Fury-**

"Just stay awake. Eyes on me."

"I'm clocking out here."

"Not an option."

"It's okay Boss. This was never going to work, if they didn't have something to…"

"… avenge." Thought Fury, "something to avenge."

He looked on as the medics tried to revive his best agent. He watched as the medics moved on from CPR to electric panels trying to bring his oldest friend back to life. But Phil was bloody right, as usual. Even with his final words he had shown a wisdom that would now be forever absent from Fury's life.

He sighed. Now was not the time for mourning.

"Agent Coulson is down."

**-Tony Stark and Steve Rogers-**

"Was he married?"

"No, there was a… uh… cellist… I think" was all Tony said, was all Tony could say as he felt the loss of Agent Coulson, of Phil, who was a friend, despite his desire to constantly hand Tony things.

"I'm sorry, he seemed like a good man." Steve said, trying to offer some modicum of comfort.

"He was an idiot"

"Why? …for believing?"

'For believing in heroes or believing in me?' Steve asked himself. Perhaps Coulson was an idiot, but he had been the only one to make Steve feel a little more at home in this new century. So he would honour Coulson's memory, the only way he knew how, by proving him right.

"For taking on Loki alone."

"He was doing his job."

"He was out of his league… He should have waited… He should have…"

"Sometimes there isn't a way out Tony.

"Right… I forgot"

"Is this the first time you lost a soldier?"

"We are NOT soldiers."

And perhaps they weren't soldiers, not all of them anyway, but it was the only way Steve could think of these people. It was the way Steve had steeled himself to all of those senseless deaths in the war and it was the only way that Steve could pull back his emotions and keep a clear head. The mission had to come first.

The mission always came first.

-**The Avengers-**

Apart from Natasha and Clint, none of the Avengers really knew or understood why S.H.I.E.L.D buried Phil Coulson in Portland. The memorial and funeral services had been held in New York. However, Tony theorised aloud that it was so Phil's cellist could visit. He didn't notice the look between Natasha and Clint as he said this. Hands firmly held, the assassins led the group through the cemetery, their steps sure, as if they already knew the way. When the rest of the Avengers reached the graves, they finally understood:

Here lies Phil Coulson,

He was a patriot and a friend,

Always.

1962-2012.

Here lies Jennifer Jones-Coulson,

She was a patriot and a friend,

Always.

1965-2011.


End file.
